Doll Face gives you all the warnings from the get-go. It starts with the cheapest production logo I’ve ever seen—a white background and black unaligned text—and then it goes straight to the jugular with keeping the white background for the title, and you are greeted with “DOLLFACE” (one word here) in Comic Sans in white with a black drop-shadow effect. After that fades out, we are left with a slideshow of photos of dolls. There is a neat thing here, the credits are written on cards attacked to dolls. The neatness subsides though since this film, which was made by about 5 people, drags its opening credits over four minutes. The “film” is 74 minutes long. The icing: the last credit, the director and writer, is illegible. There is no director or writer attached to the film on IMDb either. That’s some next level Alan Smithee shit, right there.
The film then starts with two lawyers explaining to a woman that her grandmother left her a condo. This is intercut with MORE PHOTOS OF THE SAME DOLLS. The apartment doesn’t come without strings, though. She gets the nana’s doll collection, too, and she needs to take care of them to get the condo. This scene is shot with close-ups, POV shots, extreme-close-ups, slow zooms, low angles, high angles. You name it! Then we get a montage scene of her finding the dolls, intercut with previously mentioned pictures of said dolls.
Most of the film is that woman, alone in her apartment… looking at the dolls. The dolls seem to do stuff sometimes. Of course, they are just plastic dolls, so if they are supposed to be doing something on camera, it’s just someone showing the doll towards the woman or us. There are also three other characters: a weird red headed psychiatrist, a doll fixer who has tattoos on his face and some other guy. It doesn’t matter.
If the filmmakers would have put a convincing 8mm grainy filter on this, removed all sound and told me it was an experiment film made by somebody who tried acid once and then became a Mormon, I would have believed you. That might have happened, I mean, we don’t know who wrote or directed the film, but we do know that whoever it is, they can neither write nor direct a film.