After a lesbian death scene, some unimpressive bicycle moves and the most rad of all the extreme cusp-of-the-millennium opening titles, we meet John. John (who made those unimpressive bicycle moves) argues with his brother about the family business. Unsafe conditions and all that stuff the audience wants from a film called Python. He removes himself from the situation and goes with his best friend, who is the most rad of all the extreme cusp-of-the-millennium best friends.
The friend is played by Star Trek’s Wil Wheaton, although I didn’t recognize him at first with his god-awful goatee and purple hair. Wil is just one of the actors fans of the 90s will appreciate since literally every actor in the film is more famous than its leading man.
We got Robert Englund, Casper Van Diem, Jenny McCarthy, Gary Grubbs, Isaac from The Children of the Corn, Johnny from The Karate Kid, the original Audrey from the first Vacation film, the young version of Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-files, that skinny dude from The People Under the Stairs and the guy from UHF that wasn’t Weird Al or Kramer. Even the python is voiced by the most famous animal voice actor ever, Frank Welker.
While we are on the subject, the python is huge and the best PlayStation 2 era CGI money can buy and it can either eat you whole, slap your head off with its tail or slime you with digestive acid, brundlefly style.
The story doesn’t really matter. It’s the same as in every other movie like this. Genetic experiments gone wrong. It could have been one of those Anaconda sequels and nobody would have noticed. What matters is the acting and Python has more acting than some soap operas. Englund eats up every scenery he gets his hands on, and Van Diem’s serial-killer-moustache eats the leftovers. The other actors get the crumbs.
Is it good? It’s a low budget TV flick from 2000 called Python. It doesn’t matter if it’s good. What matters is if its entertaining and of course it is. It’s a low budget TV flick from 2000 called Python, how could it not be?
