The sixth Amityville horror film and the only one that shares a subtitle with a Sharknado entry. It’s also the only one with the fucking year it was released in the title. And not even a cool year. 1992, the least memorable year of the 90s. I can only remember four other movies with the release year in the title and they are all 2000. Now THAT was a year. (They are Fantasia 2000, Heavy Metal 2000, Dracula 2000 and the worst film of all time, Blues Brothers 2000.)
So, this continues with the “Cursed item that Margot Kidder touched” theme, but now it’s a clock. What does the cursed clock do? Well, it causes unprovoked dog attacks, shoddy wound care, bloody swastikas (!?), black goo, husband-go-craaaaazzzzy (like the original), teenage girl discovering her sexuality and gets a proto-Rachel haircut, and the big one? Well, it’s about time. I can’t say I know exactly what the time thing is, but it’s there.
Oh, yeah. It also causes the least believable death scene in movie history. An old lady (she knows what the clock is) is walking down the street and her cane gets stuck while a milk van is heading straight toward her! She screams for help as she is unable to get her cane loose (she is not attached to the cane in any way, it’s a walking cane), until she finally decides to leave the cane behind and jump out of the way. Then she is impaled by a bird statue of some kind.
It also has a guy in tighty whities sporting the most uncomfortable bulge ever melting into the floor while proclaiming calmly “hey, what the fuck.”
The acting is quite competent, with the leading role being in the hands of Stephen Macht, who should have won an Oscar for Stephen King’s Graveyard Shift (1990) and is definitely not Fred Ward. Megan Ward from definitely not the X-Files Dark Skies plays his daughter (she was also in Joe’s Apartment AND Encino Man) and her brother is played by the dude from Ghoulies II (1987), who is, according to IMDb, definitely not Jay Mohr like I originally thought. Also, Dick Miller for a scene.
Like most of the Amityville films, the writers had no idea what the fuck the curse or haunting og possession or whatever actually is, so they just throw a bunch of stuff out there hoping something sticks to the black goo that’s everywhere. Amityville 1992: It’s About Time (that fucking title) isn’t a functioning horror film, however, it’s entertaining in how inane it is. Like the dad. Dude was mauled by a dog and his leg is oozing puss and nobody thinks “hey, let’s go back to the hospital.”
Also, if you think that a character doesn’t say “It’s about time” then you are sorely mistaken.